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: all is fucked
Well, I guess it's about that time again... for me to you-know-what...
I kind of just don't want to say it. That way when the time comes, if I just don't fully recognize what I'm doing, maybe it won't be as scary.
And my friends will definately be more supportive.
Not that I really have much of those anymore... that's why I'm also not to hesitant to do what I'm going to do.
And on the note of no friends...
Tarah, I'm sorry for whatever new thing I've apparently done to ruin your life. I thought things were cool between us again and I was really super-duper excited and happy. I can't figure out what I've done now, though. Whatever it was must have been whorendous, though, for Dan to treat me in such a manner. I felt so guiltly and I couldn't figure out what I had done. It's a horrible feeling because you don't know what to apologize for or why you're such a bad person - or if you even need to feel that way.
Will you please tell me? So I can maybe make up for what I did?
I mean, I know that that one time that I called you I asked you if you knew anybody in PDX, and that was very upsetting for him - and you, too, I'm assuming - but he was treating me like a slave owner before that. That only made it worse, and I haven't spoken to you since than. I was hoping that I could make everything up to you before I you-know-what. I would hate to not have the comfort of your friendship in such rough waters up ahead, I really really really miss you.
Please, please, please, please, please tell me what I've done and what I can do to make things right again. You were such a huge help and comfort when I was in the hospital. I would hate to lose that kind of friendship...
So, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell me why Dan made me cry so hard I almost pissed myself in my friend Jamie's car.
... how embarassing.
And also, Merry X-mas every one. And Happy New Year.
Please, if anyone else has any discrepancies or beef with me that they need to clear up - especially if you think I don't know about it, don't know enough about it, or seem to just not care enough about it - let me know so we can try to clear the air. I hate to have that hanging over all of us during the holidays.
I really miss having friends. Especially hanging out with my good friends that I can talk to. I haven't talked to anyone close to me recently, and I fear no one really is, as of late. Especially most recently. I've had a good pity-party cry about it 6 times in the past two days - like a chump - just from thinking about what's coming up next month. From thinking about what I'm about to go through with no friends, no support, no one to talk to (besides my mom, which has been nice lately, but definately not what I really need right now). And no real hope of making any new friends very quickly or have any one any time soon. And especially not good friends, you can't just start hanging out with some one and be able to completely trust them. You may think you're able to, but you don't really know them. Who am I trying to kid?
I have two possible new friend prospects. Emphasis on "possible". I so don't want to get my hopes up, I mean look at me now. It's pretty f-ing depressing. I would say that I have three, and even maybe (but still maybe), four possible; but, STILL, who am I trying to kid?!
RACHEL GET YOUR SELF A FUCKING LIFE
AND LEARN HOW TO KEEP A FUCKING FRIEND OR TWO FUCK HEAD
That reminds me, I need to call another lost cause of mine, Kamran.
I should touch base with Lieb, too.
Alison, I want to see you very, very soon, too. Before you drift any farther from me than you already have. Before you're unobtainable.
Or are you? Please tell me before you end up like Tarah to me, where I try to call you and your boyfriend (or some one else close to you) grabs the phone from your hand to tell me how bad of a friend that I am and to never call back.
I can handle rejection.. but I can't handle that fucking hard of a rejection from some one that I love so much.
Ali, I love you so much. Call me if by the time you've read this I haven't called you.. because I'm about to go pass out.
Tarah, I love you, too... ALOT. Please believe me.
Please tell me how I've wronged and if I even have a chance of making it right.
Rachel,
you're fucked up
Yes, you,
Rachel
Well, I guess it's about that time again... for me to you-know-what...
I kind of just don't want to say it. That way when the time comes, if I just don't fully recognize what I'm doing, maybe it won't be as scary.
And my friends will definately be more supportive.
Not that I really have much of those anymore... that's why I'm also not to hesitant to do what I'm going to do.
And on the note of no friends...
Tarah, I'm sorry for whatever new thing I've apparently done to ruin your life. I thought things were cool between us again and I was really super-duper excited and happy. I can't figure out what I've done now, though. Whatever it was must have been whorendous, though, for Dan to treat me in such a manner. I felt so guiltly and I couldn't figure out what I had done. It's a horrible feeling because you don't know what to apologize for or why you're such a bad person - or if you even need to feel that way.
Will you please tell me? So I can maybe make up for what I did?
I mean, I know that that one time that I called you I asked you if you knew anybody in PDX, and that was very upsetting for him - and you, too, I'm assuming - but he was treating me like a slave owner before that. That only made it worse, and I haven't spoken to you since than. I was hoping that I could make everything up to you before I you-know-what. I would hate to not have the comfort of your friendship in such rough waters up ahead, I really really really miss you.
Please, please, please, please, please tell me what I've done and what I can do to make things right again. You were such a huge help and comfort when I was in the hospital. I would hate to lose that kind of friendship...
So, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell me why Dan made me cry so hard I almost pissed myself in my friend Jamie's car.
... how embarassing.
And also, Merry X-mas every one. And Happy New Year.
Please, if anyone else has any discrepancies or beef with me that they need to clear up - especially if you think I don't know about it, don't know enough about it, or seem to just not care enough about it - let me know so we can try to clear the air. I hate to have that hanging over all of us during the holidays.
I really miss having friends. Especially hanging out with my good friends that I can talk to. I haven't talked to anyone close to me recently, and I fear no one really is, as of late. Especially most recently. I've had a good pity-party cry about it 6 times in the past two days - like a chump - just from thinking about what's coming up next month. From thinking about what I'm about to go through with no friends, no support, no one to talk to (besides my mom, which has been nice lately, but definately not what I really need right now). And no real hope of making any new friends very quickly or have any one any time soon. And especially not good friends, you can't just start hanging out with some one and be able to completely trust them. You may think you're able to, but you don't really know them. Who am I trying to kid?
I have two possible new friend prospects. Emphasis on "possible". I so don't want to get my hopes up, I mean look at me now. It's pretty f-ing depressing. I would say that I have three, and even maybe (but still maybe), four possible; but, STILL, who am I trying to kid?!
RACHEL GET YOUR SELF A FUCKING LIFE
AND LEARN HOW TO KEEP A FUCKING FRIEND OR TWO FUCK HEAD
That reminds me, I need to call another lost cause of mine, Kamran.
I should touch base with Lieb, too.
Alison, I want to see you very, very soon, too. Before you drift any farther from me than you already have. Before you're unobtainable.
Or are you? Please tell me before you end up like Tarah to me, where I try to call you and your boyfriend (or some one else close to you) grabs the phone from your hand to tell me how bad of a friend that I am and to never call back.
I can handle rejection.. but I can't handle that fucking hard of a rejection from some one that I love so much.
Ali, I love you so much. Call me if by the time you've read this I haven't called you.. because I'm about to go pass out.
Tarah, I love you, too... ALOT. Please believe me.
Please tell me how I've wronged and if I even have a chance of making it right.
Rachel,
you're fucked up
Yes, you,
Rachel
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